don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
