I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
