True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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