My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
