OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
