That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize