Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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