how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
