my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
