every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
