I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i came on her dog
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
