Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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