Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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