i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize