Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
