Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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