Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
