Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
