your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
