who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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