I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Randomize
