Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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