drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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