By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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