I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
