found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
