I think my vagina is haunted
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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