I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
