Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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