i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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