Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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