grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dear god my vagina.
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