Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
