Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You took a bar mat shot.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
