btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
