i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
