well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
