you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
