i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
