She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
