i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
