first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
