the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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