y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My liver just broke up with me...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
