I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
