if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
