So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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