I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
