I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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