There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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