That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
