My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
