So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
