i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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