Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
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drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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