How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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