Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
