I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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