I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
