I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
