i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
