I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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