Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you never un-have a 4some
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
