you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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