what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
