someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They have beer where we have blood.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
