im six kinds of drunk right now
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
