The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
