your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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