I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
