so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
