theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
