I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
