HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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