well you can't waste a boner
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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