Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
