I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
