Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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