I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
