Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
