DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
