I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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