K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Randomize
